I have been shooting weddings in San Antonio for a long time.
A long time.
And I have seen some $#%&.
I have been way too polite about it.
The stuff your photographer is absolutely thinking and will never in a million years say to your face because she wants your five star review. As a San Antonio wedding photographer I would rather you know the truth and have the wedding day you actually deserve than show up and watch the whole thing fall apart in slow motion while I smile and say nothing.
So here it is. The stuff I say to my second shooter on the drive home. Windows up. Unfiltered.
You are so welcome.
1. The content creator you hired is running your wedding.
Why is she in front of me.
No. WHY is she in FRONT of me.
I have A BILLION DOLLARS worth of camera equipment around my neck. I have been doing this for twenty years. And this woman who got her ring light from Amazon Prime is standing directly between me and the most important moment of your entire life redirecting you for a TikTok transition.
Be so serious right now.
I am watching you perform your own wedding. Moment after moment that was about to be REAL. The kind of real that makes you fall apart when you look at it ten years from now. The kind I came here specifically to catch. And now it is content. It is a trending audio. It is a Reel that will get 47 likes and then disappear into the void while the actual moment that was happening right behind the phone is just… gone.
You cannot get it back. I need you to understand that. That moment existed once and now it does not.
You are not a Kardashian. This is not Hulu. Nobody is getting a production budget. This is your actual real human life and it is moving faster than a Chick-fil-A drive through line on a Sunday and you are spending it making content instead of living it.
You cannot be emotionally present for your own wedding and be on camera for someone else’s vision at the same time. Those two things cannot exist in the same body on the same day. Pick one. I am begging you to pick the right one.
Now. Before you come for me.
I work with wedding content creators who are specifically trained to not ruin your life. They know my angles. They know when to shoot and when to put the phone all the way down and back up slowly. Your real moments come first. Always. That is non negotiable in my world.
If you want behind the scenes content done right I have already solved this whole problem for you.
Just ask me.
2. You hired a coordinator who has never actually coordinated a wedding.
Congratulations. I am now your coordinator. That will be an additional $3,000.
I am kidding.
Kind of.
There is a difference between a wedding coordinator and a woman who bought a clipboard, made a Canva timeline, and showed up in a blazer with a bluetooth earpiece she does not know how to use. (This is an actual true story.) I need you to find that difference before you hand over a deposit.
Because I have been on the other side of that decision and it is not pretty.
I have held a bride’s hair back while she got sick in the bathroom at her own wedding. Her own wedding. The one she planned for eighteen months. The one she spent forty thousand dollars on. She is in the bathroom because nobody made sure she drank water. Nobody switched her drinks to virgin at 9pm when she was clearly running on fumes and champagne and pure adrenaline. Nobody was paying attention because the coordinator was in the corner of the reception eating the wedding cake.
The cake the bride never got any of.
The cake I never got any of either but again that is a separate issue we can discuss later. 😂
And then.
THEN.
We get to the sparkler exit.
Three hundred people. Most of them drunk. All of them holding fire.
And she looks at me and goes “I’ve never actually done a sparkler exit but it’s just sparklers, how hard can it be.”
How hard can it be.
THREE HUNDRED DRUNK PEOPLE WITH FIRE, KAREN.
Do you even have a lighter.
She did not, in fact, have a lighter.
I need you to understand that I almost lost my mind on that lawn and I smiled the entire time because that is what I do. I am a professional. But inside. Inside I was done.
Every single minute I spend doing her job is a minute I am not doing mine. And my job is the one you actually hired someone for. The one that produces the thing you will look at for the rest of your life.
You are losing images. Real ones. The ones that were happening while I was tracking down your florist and wrangling your groomsmen and standing in a bathroom holding someone’s veil out of the way.
Gone. Because she did not have a lighter.
Interview your coordinator like your wedding depends on it.
Because it does.
Ask her the hard questions. Ask her what happens when the timeline falls apart. Ask her how she handles a vendor who does not show. Ask her if she has ever done a sparkler exit.
And then ask her if she has a lighter.
If she has to think about it. Run.
3. Your bridesmaids forgot whose day it is.
There have been ones who refused to walk through grass for bridal party photos.
Refused.
The grass.
And then did TikToks in that same grass twenty minutes later in the same shoes on the same lawn.
I said nothing. I am a professional. I went and stood by the bar for a moment and collected myself.
But before we even get here. Before we get to the grass discourse. I need to talk to you about how you picked these people.
Do not fill spots just to fill spots. I am begging you. Do not make the numbers even because you think you have to. If your partner has five ride or dies and you have one then YOU HAVE ONE BRIDESMAID AND SHE IS GOING TO HELP YOU HAVE THE TIME OF YOUR LIFE.
One real one beats seven fillers in matching dresses every single time. You know who the filler bridesmaids are. You already know. They are the ones you invited because it felt weird not to. They are the ones who made it about themselves the second you asked. They are the ones standing in the grass doing TikToks.
Pick your people like your wedding day depends on it. Because it does.
Your bridesmaids are the mice in Cinderella. That is the entire job description. Make the magic happen. Do not BE the magic. Pick up the suite. Hold the flowers. Get her water. Tell her she looks beautiful. Repeat until the reception ends.
And if anyone has the audacity to show up to your San Antonio wedding in white I will absolutely accidentally spill an entire glass of red wine directly onto them. I am a professional. But I am also a person with eyes and a Cabernet.
4. You didn’t eat. You didn’t drink water. And now it’s 4pm.
Hey. Come here for a second.
You are not fat. And even if you think you are, your person is standing at the end of that aisle right now ready to promise forever to every single part of you. Every single pound. Chose you. AND keeps choosing you.
You know what is not going to be cute? Passing out at your own wedding because you skipped every meal and ran on champagne and nerves since 6am.
I can tell you this with full clinical certainty because I have been doing this long enough to know. You will never look back at your wedding photos and think you looked fat. Never. You will look back and think you looked young. Alive. So completely yourself.
And you will wish with everything you have that you had just let yourself enjoy it.
You are not getting this day back. You paid a lot of money to be here. Every single pound of you deserves to live in it.
Eat the food. Drink the water. Have the cake. Feel all of it.
That is what photographs beautifully. I promise.
5. Your family photo list is out of control and it’s costing you everything.
Time on your wedding day moves faster than the Chick-fil-A line on a Sunday.
Every photo you take after your ceremony costs you time. Time is the most expensive thing on your wedding day. You cannot buy more of it. You cannot get it back.
So when your mom adds her sister’s neighbor’s kid to the list.
No.
No ma’am.
And your ex-boyfriend’s mom who is WEIRDLY still close to the family does not need a Christmas card photo on your dime at your wedding. She can go to Walmart portrait studio. They do great work.
Cull the list. Be ruthless. Those family formals are going to live in a folder in a wedding gallery you forget the password to.
Meanwhile I could be whisking you away from every single person at that wedding so you can have your holy $#@% we are actually married makeout moment with your person.
That photo lives on your wall forever.
Every cousin can wait.
The ex-boyfriend’s mom can especially wait.
6. Your hair and makeup artist has never actually done a wedding before.
Your cousin is talented. I am sure she is. She does great work on Instagram. Very dewy. Very editorial. Very controlled studio lighting at 2pm on a Saturday with unlimited time and no crying.
That is not a wedding.
Wedding beauty is a completely different animal and I need you to understand that before you hand her a trial appointment and call it a day.
Wedding pros know how to make their work survive Texas heat. Real Texas heat. August in San Antonio standing outside for portraits heat. They know how to work on a timeline that is already forty minutes behind because the flower girl had a meltdown and the groomsmen cannot tie a tie apparently. They know how to make you look alive and glowing and not like you have been crying for six hours even though you absolutely have been crying for six hours.
And most importantly.
MOST importantly.
They know how to position your hair so I can actually see your face during your vows.
I have watched brides walk down the aisle and say the most important words of their entire life completely hidden behind a curtain of hair and extensions while their person is standing there trying to make eye contact with someone he cannot find.
Your photographer cannot photograph a face she cannot see.
Your person cannot marry a woman he cannot find.
Hire a pro. Hire someone who has been in the room. Hire someone who knows what 6pm in July does to a blowout.
7. You are doing things you don’t even want to do because “that’s just what you do at weddings.”
Let me ask you something.
Do you actually want to do the garter toss. Like actually. In your body. Is that something you want. Or did you just assume it was on the itinerary like a terms and conditions you never read but clicked agree on anyway.
Because I have watched so many brides do things at their own wedding that they did not want to do and I am standing in the back watching it happen and I cannot say anything because it is not my wedding it is yours and you are already doing it so.
The first dance song that doesn’t mean a single thing to you. You heard it at a wedding two years ago and it felt like a wedding song so you wrote it down. It is fine. It is a fine song. Your wedding photographer has heard it one hundred and forty seven times. The DJ is mouthing the words. Your guests are swaying slightly and checking their phones.
Is this the vibe you wanted.
And the late night reception. Your people went home. You know they went home. I watched them do the goodbye loop at 8:45pm. They hugged you four times each and said we are so tired but this has been so beautiful and then they LEFT. And now you are on a dance floor that was absolutely electric three hours ago with nine people and a flower girl who is running on cake and spite.
This is not a party anymore. This is a hostage situation with a DJ.
End it. Go get Whataburger in your dress. Go sit on the hotel floor with your person and eat room service and laugh about the day until 3am. THAT is living. THAT is the night you will actually remember.
But if you love the garter toss. If it genuinely brings you joy. Do it. Do it with everything you have. I will be ready.
Just do it because you want to. Not because nobody told you that you could skip it.
I am telling you right now. You can skip it.
So there it is.
I am a lot. I have always been a lot. And my couples have the galleries to prove it.
If you read this whole thing and thought wow she needs to calm down and mind her business. Fair. I respect that. We are probably not a fit and I genuinely wish you the best.
And if you read this and thought oh my god she gets it. She actually gets it. I have been waiting for someone to just say the thing out loud.
Then hi. Hello.
I am Chelsea. I am a San Antonio wedding photographer who will show up for your day like it is the only day that matters. Because when I am there it is. I will fight for your moments. I will manage the chaos you did not see coming. I will drag you away from every cousin on that family photo list so you can have your holy $#@% we are actually married moment.
I will absolutely spill red wine on the guest in white. Accidentally. Obviously. (but only if you ask me to.)
I shoot love like it’s holy. Because it is. And I want your wedding photos to wreck you in the best possible way ten years from now when you are sitting at your kitchen table and your kids find the album and you have to explain why you are ugly crying over a Tuesday night dinner.
If you do not have a photographer yet.
Hi.
I am her.
Love, Chelsea
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